'Cloverfield':Trying not to expect much

As we’ve reached the end of our magical mystery Cloverfield tour, I think back to the lessons learned during this glorious, inaugural Roundtable. I’ve learned people loathe the shaky-cam, Andy likes his monsters to have solid motivations, and that Ryan knows more about hidden connections than that crazy dude down the street who wears hats made of tin foil.
But the most important lesson is one that I alluded to yesterday and is the best advice I can give all of you before the movie comes out next week: Keep your expectations low. That’s right. You heard me.
It’s difficult, I know. It’s a big movie and this is J.J. Abrams we’re talking about here. How could you not expect something great?
The WB was built on his back! He helped revive night-time soaps! Alias! Lost! Mission: Impossible III was so enjoyable, I forgot to be creeped out by Tom Cruise! He gave us Greg Grunberg in oh-so-many forms!
But don’t fall into that trap, people. It’ll only lead you down the path to heartbreak. I’m not saying to expect that it will suck, I’m just saying you should take any hope you have with a dash of salt. With all the hype going around, if you buy into it too much you’ll just set yourself up for disappointment however small or large the degree – like dating a really hot, smart, funny guy/girl who ends up being a bad kisser.
So, before you walk into that theater and plop down with your overly expensive treats, I want you to do me a favor. Some call it bargaining, I call it Disappointment Management. Say to yourself, “Self, this movie may be fantastic but just in case it’s not, I’d be totally satisfied if it [fill in the blank].” Repeat it to yourself and others as many times as you need to really believe it. Shed yourself of the baggage of high expectation! And then, my friends, you’ll truly be able to enjoy the film.
For example, I’ll be totally satisfied if Cloverfield gives me some good explosions and gets me to like at least one character that doesn’t die too soon. Aiming low? Yes, and I’m dang proud of it. I’ve set the bar low enough that Futurama’s Hermes could barely limbo under it, but J.J. can certainly exceed it.
P.S. Ryan, I’ll only live in Earth-JJ if one of the many Grunberg clones that populate the world is my husband. Because he’s awesome and looks squeezable.